something i didn't say

haven't been on here for awhile, kinda lost track of time running around with my other one. having fun while we can. your lying to yourself if you've never felt regret at least once. we are only human. make mistakes and learn. there's so many things to be said, so many things to be done. as much as you plan it can change in a second. i wish i knew then what i know now. that changes so much. its tough to do things sometimes, sometimes things get complicated. can't always have that bread. can't always have everything you want, or your not living through the challenges of life. im unsure of the future but i hope to change it for the better, i hope to lead somewhere far and great.

I jacked you again :P

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage: Coke

2. last phone call: Josh

3. last text message: lol Josh

4. last song you listened to: Be the One (Armand Van Heldon Club Vocal Mix)

5. last time you cried: i might have shed a tear not to long ago

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = Yes

7. been cheated on = Yes

8. kissed someone & regretted it =possibilty

9. lost someone special = tough call

10. been depressed = yep

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue

13. Purple

14. Black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

15. Made a new friend? heck yea

16. Fallen out of love? unfortunately 

17. Laughed until you cried? yes thats always fun

18. Met someone who changed you? haha  yeaa..

19. Found out who your true friends were? i've known who they were the second i met em

20. Found out someone was talking about you? not really

21. Kissed anyone on your fb friend's list? well now

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life: just about all of them

24. Do you have any pets: my parents have em, i need to kidnap them for me 

25. Do you want to change your name? i have to many J's in my name, so YES

26. What did you do for your last birthday: well it was my 21st, so i drank everyday that week, dont remember much

27. What time did you wake up today: not to long ago

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: playing StarCraft 2

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: EDC 2011

30. Last time you saw your Mother: Hmm i think when i visited in '02, so like 8 years

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Where i lived. (i can agree)

32. What are you listening to right now: Love You No More (Chuckie Remix)

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: ..yes

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: I feel like Scott Pilgrim

35. Most visited webpage: Riolearn

37. Nicknames: 

39. Zodiac Sign: Gemini

40. He or She? She

41. Elementary? Kelso

42. Middle School? Collier

43. High School?  La Joya 

44. Hair color? Natural? Dark Brown

45. Long or short?  Long

46. Height: 5'9

47. Do you have a crush on someone? lets not get things complicated

48: What do you like about yourself? a few things

49. Piercings? i have none

50. Tattoos?  just one on the heart

51. Righty or lefty? right

FIRSTS:

52. First surgery = none 

53. First piercing = none

54. First best friend = Alex

55. First sport you joined = Basketball

56. First vacation = Hawaii

58. First pair of trainers = like for a gym?

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating - nothing, but im kinda hungry now to think about it

60. Drinking - Water

61. I'm about to - nothing

62. Listening to - You and I (Deadmau5 Remix)

63. Waiting for - something/someone

64. Want kids? -  yea later on

65. Get Married? -has to be right the person

66. Career? - Architecture or Business Management  

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes? Eyes, your always going to look into their eyes

68. Hugs or kisses = kisses

69. Shorter or taller = shorter

70. Older or Younger = older

71. Romantic or spontaneous = both would actually be nice together

72. Nice stomach or nice arms = lol id hope it wasnt some muscular chick

73. Sensitive or loud = sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant = a little of both

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger = no

78. Lost glasses/contacts = both actually

79. Sex on first date = thats a little too fast

80. Broken someone's heart = id hope not

81. Had your own heart broken = yes

84. Cried when someone died = mhm

85. Fallen for a friend = something like that

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = yea

87. Miracles = they're out there

88. Love at first sight = you never know

89. Heaven = no

90. Santa Claus = noo, shame

91. Kiss on the first date = depends on the person

92. Angels = no

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

93. Had more than one bf/gf?: yes

94. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: >.>

95. Did you sing today?: at some point i probably did

96. Ever cheated on somebody?: No

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? 80's when things looked promising

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? Last year sucked

99. Are you afraid of falling in love? It comes down to the person and relationship

100. Posting this as 100 truths? lol never

The Future Beyond

This one sentence only became its own blog because of how i feel, I feel awesome.


I feel a heartbeat.

My Tricky into Poetry

I thought I would delve into the poem world every now and then on here..




so here I go..


A diamond glass,
that broke.
A earth child,
that lost hope.
A black rose,
that wilted.
A rose petal,
that grounded.
A small seed,
that planted.
A black rose,
that grew.
Across the pond,
a lotus too.

The Tattoo on Me,

 it means something. it has its own story. its there for a reason.

you might not want to read this, this is about as emo as it might get. pretty like poetic stuff...if you continue to read, the read at your own caution..

it had taken me awhile to decide what i wanted for a first tattoo, for awhile i had been revolving around the Sulfer of Perfection (still planning on it, just when i have the money set aside), which is the tattoo seen on John Constantine's forearms in Constantine. 

To this point I still was in the depressed world cause of an ex, she ripped out my heart, through out this entire time I had stumbled upon a band named She Wants Revenge, and every song I could feel and relate to in some way. So I did the one thing I could do for my still beating heart, I tattooed She Wants Revenge over it to heal up the wound. I don't look back to the past, nor shall I. 

                   Don't look in the rear-view mirror, instead look at the open road ahead. 

I'll be adding onto the tattoo soon. A black rose to be exact. A black rose signifies hope or rebirth.

How to Win Successfully on Monopoly

So i thought i would take a bit of time today, to talking about...games. Do to recent emergence to a few friends that have had issues, i thought i would discuss these issues.


Games..we all play them. Don't lie, you know you have too. And im not talking boardgames. Why do we continue to play? It use to be simple back in the day. When you were a kid, it was first picking on the person you liked. Then write them notes in school and well let nature take its course. Now things are different. We have to play with words like people play Battleship, all strategical. And at the end of the game, how do you know if the person was just playing around or they actually meant it. Some people are not open to their feelings, they want to say yes and agree, but want to sound different so they'd rather say no. I'll take myself for instance, i am oblivious to women liking me. A girl can call me cute, but most of the time I think that term is just thrown around in general, so I don't think anything particular of it, but of course how would i know whats going on through HER mind? I've been told by people from my past that they liked me, but of course as smart as I am, haha which i do lack some brains, I just kept going on like I didn't hear/see anything, because in honest opinion I most likely didn't. But such is life, its things we live and learn from. I don't wish to play games with anyone, because we don't know how long we will live. I say breath and live every minute you have, don't waste one second. So stop playing games (this to my friends who are having/did have troubles with other people), throw down your battle gear and grab your other half. Go on an adventure together, spend time together, just be together...


Of course this being said, back to describe that "one" for me, she will most likely stop me right in my tracks.


                                                 I'll be the car, she'll be the brick wall.


This is of course assuming that I'm not oblivious to her liking me whoever/wherever she is. I believe things will just work themselves in the right way, no matter if i catch her liking me or not, things will work themselves right. I can only hope...

A random thought...

A random thought after reading my perfect girl blog. If you've had conversations that end and start differently. You lose topics overtime. But your perfect half would be a person you always have a conversation with, always picking up where you left off. You've started other ones, but there will be an original one you continue forever tell your souls merge as on...

Meryl Streep Does It Too

So at the request of a new found friend, I decided to recall from the life, the Chapter of Electric Daisy Carnival June 25th and 26th of 2010.

We were very excited the friday of June 25th at 3am. Me calling my best friend saying I can't sleep and I'm ready to start heading to cali he felt the same exact way. we both got off the phone and I prepared all of the things I would need for the fantastic voyage west. We left in a hour not before picking up two other ravers to travel with us. The whole drive I didn't sleep, we were very awake the whole time. We got there at 10am in the morning. It was fantastic, I was enjoying every second. We screwed around a bit at the beach, then went to check-in at the hotel. We arrived there and shuffled everything in, got ready in 2 hours, are grouped in a one bedroom being 7 people. It was a bit cramped so it took awhile we got to EDC itself at 2Pm, (I'm listening to Empire Ants by Gorillaz right now, its hammering my brain) me and my friend constantly callin each other as they were havin a crazy time and we were tryin to get in, we got 2 sugar cubes of acid each and consumed them. We were told they were weak...



...We were wrong...



Time was nothing. Living was everything. We walked up the stairs to the main floor/stage, it took years to get up those stairs. We finally got there to the main stage, but the drug was not weak and strong. All I would see is weird colored weirdly shaped objects like people. It was a vast new world. Something never experieneced. You could feel all the happy and positive energies. I had never felt soo alive. The music was so intense, I could feel every emotion in every word, in every second of every song. I loved the overwhelming sensation of love. It was amazing. As much as the night I remember, it was just so fantastic. Like nothing I had ever experienced before. Not a music event, but a soul event. Everything that became energy there, was positive. Those nights the area in LA was happy and energetic, everyone in good moods one or another. Those are nights I'll never forget. I would describe in detail, but I want you to experience how awesome it is for yourSELF.
-much love all, hope to see you next year at EDC!!

PLAGERISM

lol, i stole this survey from someone, just because i can! i give credit to her because its off her profile, but i thought i'd like to do a survey too.. might as well have this in my blog somewhere right?

What song are you listening to right now? 

Snow Patrol

 Do you prefer movies at home or movies at the theater? 

 honestly either one, i love both just the same

How many songs does your iTunes have?

3977, the biggest amounts are Red Hot Chili Peppers and Deadmau5 hahaha

Do you take a shower in the morning or the night before?

shower in the morning for work, shower at night for fun

What's your academic niche? (History, math, science, etc.) 

MATH       X_X

Are you stressed about anything? 

eh probably work?

   

What's your favorite flower?

rose. a tattoo piece im very much considering over She Wants Revenge tattoo

Would you ever bleach your hair?

 lol i did my Junior year, i looked ridiculous

What holiday is your birthday closest to?

Memorial Day 

What color are your eyes?

Blue/Green, change a lot, most people like my eyes haha idk why

    

If you could master one language in thirty minutes, what would it be?

Spanish, i took two years in school, and learned NOTHING lol

Are you a sucker for foreign accents? 

accents are awesome, but its her soul i want to hear most

  

Can you execute an acceptable cartwheel?

ha NO, id proly break something

Were you happy when you woke up this morning?

i think everyone will say they want more sleep

Have you ever streaked?

long story, yes haha

Do you eat candy on a daily basis?

not like i used to when i was kid, sugar gets to me now

Do raisins belong in cookies?

pfft, does broken glass belong in a kids play place?

Kiss on the first date?

 Depends on her, i dont want to seem rude or demanding

Would you ever donate blood?

have actually. everyone deserves a life.

Have you ever felt replaced? 

yep. 

Do you believe in karma?

ohhh yes i do very much

  

Do you wear your seat belt?

lol surprisingly always

Do you write in cursive or print?

crappy print haha

What were you doing at 10am?

saving the worl-    i mean getting ready for work...

Do you know any pathological liars?

 im sure i do

  

What shoes did you wear today?

all black hi-top chucks

Are your toe nails painted pink?

if they were, i had a rough night

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

i have no clue, its a superman shirt ive had forrrever

  

Are you racist?

nope

Do you think it's important to get a college education?

most of the time yes, especially if we want nurses and scientists

Do you think our society is too obsessed with looks?

UGH YES. ridiculous.

Do you like chocolate?

used too, now im just eh

Are your nails long? 

nope

  

Do you like dreadlocks?

possibly.

  

Are you wasting your time with the person you like right now?

i am a zombie.

Would you rather be known for excellence in academics or athletics?

academics.

Do you like long car rides or do they bore you?

some can be adventurous with the right people!

  

Have you ever been called heartless?

i dont think i honestly have

Who do you tell your secrets to?

well other than my best friend, maybe my shoes.

What was the last pill that you took?

haha, Vitamin C, yea what were you expecting to hear

Are you single?

yep.

Is it awkward when you run into your ex?

id say yes,

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you?

yes, haha actually happened, and he lived with me for a month, CRAZY TIMEZ

Where is your bf/gf right now? 

why does this question assume im not single, when i am

Have you ever taken anyone/anything for granted?

yes, a mistake people will make in their lifetime, but ive learned.

  

How long was your longest relationship?

two years

What is the WORST subject they teach at school?  

gym

  

Do you have any television obsessions?

Smallville and Family Guy

I bet you really wanna kiss someone?

ha i'd be lying if i said no

Have you ever kissed someone & wished you didnt? 

actually i have

Are there any relationships you wish could have lasted longer?

now that i look back, no.

Will you get kissed tomorrow?

tomorrows a mystery so who knows, but im not counting on it

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left?

yep

  

Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?

haha i have awkward handshakes so i enjoy hugging more

Have you ever faked sick?

hahah yeaa

Do you get along with your family?

some of them.

Who makes you laugh?

 all the friends i hang out with.

Do you prefer talking on the phone, texting or online?

texting, and the phone every now and then

In the past week have you gotten sick?

no

  

Do you regret doing something today?

not really

Sunrise or Sunset?

sunset

Do you make your bed daily?

no

Where did you meet the last person you kissed?

a story i dont want to open.

Are you open about your feelings or closed off?

 im open

Where you anyone's first kiss?

yes

  

Held hands with anyone today?

myself

So thats it for now folks! Interesting survey. Some random questions definitely.

I want to travel the stars.
I want to breath time.
I want to create in thought.
I want to control fate.
I want to be a force.
I want to feel the power.
I

the reoccurring nightmare of Roger Rabbit

So I'm sitting here listening to Depeche Mode's new album, Sounds of the Universe. So far, I am very much liking it. But anyway to business...my brain. Went to a couple of Halloween parties last night. Not to shabby. I won't lie, we all realized we made a terrible mistake leaving the first one. Atmosphere and people were better, and it was a nice big open place to have a party. The next party we decided to go, was ok. More of a kickback honestly. So theres possibly some of you here that might just stumble across my blog, and just decide to read. Sometimes, I just don't know what this planet is up to. So after having a decent sized talk with someone, who once meant something, I basically decided to stop trying anything, and just wait for the bus to get here. I believe that one is out there, but I still have to wait. That other life force that completes the equation is somewhere wondering out there, but its not time to revolve into each others energy. Not yet. Besides I am still trying to get my career path aligned here first off. I know what I want to do, and how I will do it. Just need the jumpstart.


...Mid-blog, I need to get some water and food to REFUEL...
(an hour later...)


Ha wow ok so everyone for that long break!! I actually did a lot more than I thought I would. Went to a friend's house for a minute just to chill and got a few things and finally came back here. Lets get back shall we? It just now took me a minute to figure out what was killing the back of my leg and it was a very cold coke can, that I FINALLY removed. Sometimes I feel I would be good in the ollll' movie business. Like directing/producing, not acting. Like I have always been a visual person in general. Thats how I learn things best, visually. My light shows are very visual. I have always made sure things look good for when people see/hear. My thoughts on things are different. (And no, I will not share any thoughts at this moment) My ideas are a little strange to certain approaches as much as my dreams. When most people look left, I look right. When most people watch tv, I watch those people. If the majority of the people surrounding me wear all american eagle clothing, I won't. If they all have chucks, I won't. I like to be unique, I like to be different, I don't like being typecast into any major group. That's why I am so, me all the time. Hahah this all might seem a bit confusing but basically I'm letting you into the lower crevices of my brain and how I work and function.  It has been an interesting day has it not? Life's little surprises, they pop up when you least expect em. I know mine's out there wandering around. We are all happy when we come across those surprises. On a smaller note, please take the chance to at least listen to In Chains on the Sounds of the Universe album by Depeche Mode. Quite an interesting treat. Happy Halloween.    -peace-